20 July, 2010

He's just not that into you

Or maybe it's I want what I can't have.  Or maybe not...

And I never thought I'd be offering dating advice to a sweet 16 year old.  Advice that, if I took, I might've saved myself a few crazy girl moments.  Her dilemma was a bit (more PG) like a question in the Friday issue of the New York Times advice column, Social Q's.  A million dollar question that has perhaps been asked by every female on the planet; apparently guys are nuts at any age.  Read:

About a year ago, I fooled around with a guy friend whom I’d been interested in for a long time. That night, he told me he’d wanted to do so for a long time, too. We used to talk for hours and hang out all the time. Now, it’s awkward between us, and I don’t know why. We hardly speak when we bump into each other, and we never arrange to meet. Neither of us are “feelings” people; still, I’d love to talk with him about this. I know it won’t make him love me, but should I do it anyway?

Men will go to absurd lengths for sex. (And I don’t just mean buying advance tickets to “Eat, Pray, Love” to get some of the third.) But “talk for hours” and “hang out all the time” don’t sound like the hallmarks of a hit-and-run Lothario.

So with due respect for your aversion to “Feelings,” why in the name of Engelbert Humperdinck would you not talk with this guy? Unless you two are the worst kissers in Britain, a single make-out session couldn’t possibly extinguish both the hotsy-totsy feelings you copped to, as well as the underlying friendship. The only thing that makes less sense is leaving things as they are.
Try: “I’ve heard a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell — but this is ridiculous! What’s going on here? I miss you.” It’s not as if you have anything to lose. Think of it as a Hail Mary pass or last-second drive to the basket — or some other sports metaphor that we will never fully understand now that LeBron James has gone to Miami.

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